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June 25, 2017

Angels vs Demons: We're having twins!!!

In a recent post on interracial relationships I wrote about how I want my kids to be white like their dad.(Please read that to find out why I would say such a crazy thing.) If you were paying attention you would know that I said kids, plural. I am really excited to share this with you. My boyfriend and I are expecting twins and I already have my birthing plan. Read on to find out more.

After 37 difficult weeks the time will finally come to get these parasite-like aliens out of me and I pray that they look more human by that time because for now...

The time has come to finally bring my humans into this world and all I can do is yell at my boyfriend about how everything is going wrong and that I am too young to lose all feeling in my vagina. The rules and regulations of a hospital birth suck and so I decided to have a homebirth so everyone can witness my finest hour. Except labor has been going on for much longer than that and I am already exhausted and I am remind as to why I never wanted babies in the first place.

A family friend who happens to be a doctor came all the way to our townhouse in Rotterdam to deliver our sons. While we are grateful it is very hard to show that when he keeps violating you and calling it checking how far along you are. At a certain point and time I start losing my mind and begging everyone to get "los diablos" out of me while my boyfriend keeps rubbing my belly and calling them "angelitos". While begging for ice to soothe my burning vagina one kid pops out, Edward and while he is beautiful he is more than enough and I ask if we can reconvene tomorrow as I have no energy to continue with this labor. In true mother-in-law M shows up and some how gets baby number two out also known as Carlyle. I chose these strong Twilight names because my boyfriend insisted that the kids carry his last name, though Blake is a much nicer one.
It turns out the burning was a bad thing and that I need stitches down there. As luck would have it my brother-in-law D walks in at the wrong time and gets a view of the damage. He walks over to my bf and tells him that this is the price of fatherhood. As my anger boils my father promptly appears with a machete and punches D in the face.

While my mom is disappointed that we have two sons my father-in-law C is the happiest because we have kids to carry on his family's name. One would think that a man with three sons would be satisfied but men are from Mars.

Then I woke up on April 21st 2017 and told my bae all about what happened.

I told you all that I would write something less loaded and now I have. Also really? I have been complaining about my period all over social media. Where I get children from? You know you love me for this.



June 15, 2017

Storytime: My Highschool Boyfriend

Disclaimer: This is not to bash my ex. This is also my version of things so be mindful of that OK? Good. We're going to call him Leslie for this. Leh we start de show!

I met Leslie on the first day of school and I immediately disliked him. He was everything I hated in people. He seemed to think so highly of himself while it was obvious that he was over compensating. In other words he reminded me of the things that I hated about myself. Some thought it would be hilarious to say that we were together and that bothered me. I have always been a vicious creature and one day in my attempt to make clear to the world exactly how much I disliked him our Spanish teacher probably saw the pain and came to his defense. I called him many names and ended with 'pork chop' the teacher then turned and said "OK sparerib, enough". I was so annoyed! Not just because she gave me a name but that she gave me one matching his. I may have been many things but I was nothing like that swine.

Fast forward to the end of year 2 and I had finally entered puberty. For some people puberty is awful but for me it offered chocolate milk skin and small but perky boobs. I was excited and by the time we got to year 3 I was madly in love. We were together and happy except we were a secret.

Now girls/ladies if at any time a guy is not shouting from the rooftops that he loves you then he does not. If you are always a secret, then run. The reason Leslie kept me a secret is simply because he want to keep his options open and after an interesting event he broke it off with me and 2 weeks later started openly pursuing another girl. I hated him! See girls are sometimes extremely fickle and we tend to dream about a house and kids at 15 when guys are just wondering how far the can go tonight. If you are young and in love do not think that your relationship will stand the test of time. There are few that survive high school.

The problem with this story is that we are just getting started. While he dated that other girl I got prettier, smarter and better at being Urisha. I went to Aruba and came back with relaxed hair, I felt untouchable. I don't remember exactly what happened but I think the girl moved away and after him being a thirsty guy he finally returned to me. While my pride kept me reluctant I had never stopped loving him so I eventually gave in. To be honest I may have made changes just for him to notice me but I was resolved and I did not take any of that secrecy BS. Everyone knew that we were together and it was just how I liked it. We fought all the time because teenage boys are possessive, I equated that behavior with love but it was not. It was actually simple biology and I now know that this is how testosterone works. We would talk for hours and when I did not respond we would argue and he would become upset. However, the sex really helped. Yes I had sex in high school but we're in year six at this part of the story so it is fine. RELAX! (I'm not saying that it did not happen before year 6 because year 5 was interesting but that is another story.)

So when you get to your senior year you start making plans and while I could have studied English anywhere in the world I came to the Netherlands because he would be here. We planned how he would come visit me from Amsterdam and how our lives would be wonderful. I genuinely believe that he believed that we would build lives together but all that changed after graduation. He went to South America for two months and nearing the time that he was supposed to come to the Netherlands he broke up with me. Needless to say, I was gutted. We had been through a lot together and I had changed my life for him. I turned on my parents for him, loved him in spite of the horrid things he'd done and stayed with him when everyone told me to leave. I did not deserve this.

Coupled with homesickness and a broken heart I became extremely depressed and hardly ever ate. I began hating myself and my life but luckily my family pulled me out of a pit that they had no idea I was in. In true Leslie fashion he came back months later after I was with someone else to try to have a purely physical relationship I ran from that and it one of the best decisions I have made to date.

Today I am happy. While it takes me years to completely trust people I am no longer afraid of cutting people off. After years of making the same mistakes I understand that I am worth it and that I deserve someone who will hold my hand in public and randomly kiss my cheek. We all deserve the same things, love, peace and true joy. If your relationship does not bring you those things then please leave and be happy alone. Leslie is probably just fine today and might be even reading this. I know for a fact that he has grown up and suffers less from his fear of commitment. I wish him well in life and I will forever love him for teaching me how to guard my heart.



June 11, 2017

No blog Today

Since G-Project is recording a tv-show that will require me to be away for 12 hours there will be no post today. Feel free to twiddle your thumbs until Thursday.



June 8, 2017

We're too pretty for this!

I am often confronted by my dark skin. Every time I go to the drugstore on the hunt for makeup products I am met with a new version of 66 Shades of Beige. The frustrating part of this is that I know that brands like L'Oréal and Maybelline actually make my shade in most of their foundation lines. Yet store like Kruidvat and Etos disappoint me without fail. In the Netherlands black women have to spend more money on their makeup because regular stores pretend as if we do not exist. Constantly being referred to department store brands is particularly upsetting because most students do not have Black Up, MAC and Lancome money. This raises an important question. Why do black people have to pay more to look and feel beautiful?

I do not want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but there must be a reason that stores do not answer my emails or questions when I inquire about their shade range. Tokos are stores that sell products from foreign countries and they charge for that service as exclusivity is usually synonymous with expensive. Women of color, especially black women pay more simply because they have no choice. If you work in an environment that pressures you to wear makeup you immediately have to pay more than your white counterparts and while this may seem like a small thing consider the fact that the odds are already stacked against young black women. Does an up and coming stewardess who already had to take a maximum student loan need this extra bill? Probably not. If you are wondering why the black girl took the maximum student loan it is because she did not have the chance to live with her parents since she left them back in the Caribbean where she could not go to college because her island only has 4000 people. Still think that the system isn't working against colored women? Read on.

Products for oily skin are hard to find and guess which ethnicity generally has oily skin? You guessed it! All the rich, deeper skintones. There is something to be said about systematic racism and that is a completely different subject but it cannot be a coincidence. One might say that there is no market for drugstore makeup because black girls in the Netherlands only shop at Douglas and ICI Paris XXL (Dutch versions of Ulta/Sephora). The reason for that has nothing to do with our preferences and everything to do with drugstores refusing to carry our shades. Now as a makeup lover I am aware of the problem that my paler friends have because brands also forget about them when making foundations and stores definitely do not order for them. IT SUCKS! However I think it wrong of us to point fingers towards our paper white ladies when an entire race is left out. Any shade of brown is not welcome. That is the message stores like Kruidvat send and I am grateful that online stores like The Makeup Spot and Boozy Shop exist. I just wish they weren't just online so that we could go and swatch before we buy. The makeup industry is rigged against black women and in the Netherlands it is horrible!

Here are the facts. Brands like L'Oréal and Maybelline do not make sure that their entire shade range is available to countries they sell to. I have emailed time and again to no avail. So I am writing a blog now in hopes that someone will listen and that they will care. Brands need to be here for us, every shade or us. Whether you are as pale as NikkieTutorials or as dark as Nikki Perkins we all deserve better. We are too pretty for this shit!



P.S. In case you are wondering what I am wearing on my skin here is a very long list.
  • Brows: NYX Micro Brow in Espresso
  • Eyes: Maybelline Great Lash mascara and L'Oreal kohl liner.
  • Concealers: NYX HD concealer in Nutmeg, LA Girl Pro Conceal in Orange and Fawn
  • Foundation: Black Opal True Color Pore Perfecting liquid foundation in Hazelnut
  • Contour: Sleek Contour palette in Dark
  • Highlighter: MAC Gold Deposit, Gold from Sleek contour palette in Dark
  • Lips: MAC liner Chestnut and Milani Metallic Automatic Touch

June 1, 2017


Here are some quick announcements:

First of all I am so thankful to everyone that read my Shea Moisture post. It is the most read post on my blog and I am overjoyed. I did not think that anyone cared about my views but the world read it, even people in Asia. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to have a voice.

The next few blogs will be heavy and I hope to lighten it up after they are posted. I have rewritten many times in order to come across as fair and honest as I can be. I hope you appreciate the honesty and that these posts start conversations that we really need to have. I know that I will lose followers but I also hope to gain many as well. So feel free to share these posts and discuss them here or wherever you choose.

My new posting days will be on Sunday Thursday and Fridays when I'm in the mood. They will all be posted 2pm CET time and 8am EST so for my islanders you all will have to read it on the job. :D

I love you all and I am grateful for your continued support.