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September 16, 2016

This is What Love Feels Like

We made it through five day of bitterness. Are you ready for the last one? Enjoy some poetry. XOXO, IslandGyal

The House
Warsan Shire

Mother says there are locked rooms inside all women,
kitchen of lust, bedroom of grief, bathroom of apathy.
Sometimes the men they come with keys,
and sometimes the men they come with hammers.
Nin soo joog laga waayo, soo jiifso aa laga helaa,
I said Stop, I said No and he did not listen.
Perhaps Rihanna has a plan, perhaps she takes Chris back to hers
only for him to wake up hours later in a bathtub full of ice,
with a dry mouth, looking down at his new, neat procedure.
I point to my body and say Oh this old thing? No, I just slipped it on.

Are you going to eat that? I say to my mother, pointing to my father who is lying on the dining room table, his mouth stuffed with a red apple.
The bigger my body is, the more locked rooms there are, the more men come with keys. Anwar didn’t push it all the way in, I still think about what he could have opened up inside of me. Basil came and hesitated at the door for three years. Johnny with the blue eyes came with a bag of tools he had used on other women: one hairpin, a bottle of bleach, a switchblade and a jar of Vaseline. Yusuf called out God’s name through the keyhole and no one answered. Some begged, some climbed the side of my body looking for a window, some said they were on their way and did not come.
Show us on the doll where you were touched, they said.
I said I don’t look like a doll, I look like a house.
They said Show us on the house.
Like this: two fingers in the jam jar
Like this: an elbow in the bathwater
Like this: a hand in the drawer.
I should tell you about my first love who found a trapdoor under my left breast nine years ago, fell in and hasn’t been seen since. Every now and then I feel something crawling up my thigh. He should make himself known, I’d probably let him out. I hope he hasn’t bumped in to the others, the missing boys from small towns, with pleasant mothers, who did bad things and got lost in the maze of my hair. I treat them well enough, a slice of bread, if they’re lucky a piece of fruit. Except for Johnny with the blue eyes, who picked my locks and crawled in. Silly boy, chained to the basement of my fears, I play music to drown him out.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
No one.


At parties I point to my body and say This is where love comes to die. Welcome, come in, make yourself at home. Everyone laughs, they think I’m joking.

September 15, 2016

Songs to Listen to After a Breakup

Because sometimes the brokenhearted need to cry, get angry and be free. The songs are actually in that order so by the time you get to number nine you should feel amazing.

1. What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flats

This song has a way of breaking your heart and the video does not help in the least. If you have left your relationship with regrets then this is for you.
2. You're not Sorry by Taylor Swift
Sometimes things were bad from the start and we just didn't know it. :( 
3. Grenade by Bruno Mars
Choosing this song was actually difficult but this song makes more sense than his 'It Will Rain' which is also a complete heartbreaker. If you were willing to do everything and anything for your ex and they've left you out in the cold I feel your pain. Let's cry together.
4. Take a bow by Rihanna

For that lying, cheating, dirty son of a bitch. Give him his award and tell him to take his shit out of the box in the left corner. He's not even getting the box!
5. Resentment by Beyoncé

Bet you didn't know that this isn't even her song. It doesn't matter though because this soulful tune is what you need to tell him bye. There is absolutely nothing wrong with rage, hold on to it for a while. 
7.  Stronger (What Doesn't Kill) by Kelly Clarkson

This is literally the F it all anthem! Whenever you start feeling low get up and realize that this will get much better because you are not dead!
8. Skyscraper by Demi Lovato
Do I really have to explain this one?
9. Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld
Loving yourself is the most important thing in the world. Scream your own name and shout out the lyrics 'gonna love myself no I don't need anybody else!' Be fierce and understand your worth babe.
10. RISE (Katy Perry Cover) by SUPERFRUIT, Mary Lambert, Brian Justin Crum, Mario Jose

This song was originally done by Katy Perry and I have yet to hear that version. This song gives me all type of life! You are strong, talented and powerful and you have the power to rise from everything that life throws at you! This will not keep you down, you will still rise.

September 14, 2016

8 Not So Simple Rules to get Over him

In the spirit of being an angry bitter bitch let's keep this thing going. How exactly do you get over a breakup, especially a bad one? Here are 8 simple (not really) rules.

1. The best way to get over one guy is to get under another one. Okay I know that sounded super sleezy and I learned this rule from Cinemax's A Girl's Guide to Depravity but listen for a second. Sleeping with a new guy is probably not the healthiest choice but putting yourself out there is. I am not telling you to go out and get in a new relationship but definitely go out with your girls looking amazing. Beat that face, put on your freakkum dress and slay! Your self-esteem will thank you.

2. Start reflecting and meditating. Listen booboo there is reason that your relationship went wrong and you were most likely a part of it. Start reflecting on your negative actions and think about how to change in the future. Then meditate! Whether you start praying or just have quiet moments with the universe this is essential. You need to be spiritually grounded in order to deal with whatever is coming next.

3. Shop with that mad money. Now this tip is not for everyone but if you got gifts go out and pawn them. you do not need them as painful reminders but that new Taraji P Henson MAC collection is not cheap. Go get your life babe!

4. Reorganize your life. If you don't, you will miss your ex and might become really tempted to call. Calling your ex is like calling Satan, why you playin' wid the devil? If you all don't have kids then cut that person off COMPLETELY. How else are you planning to move on? If you guys did movie nights on Sundays start going out to dinner with a friend in that time slot. Become too busy to notice your ex's absence.

5. Do what you couldn't before. I hate zoos I think they a cruel and that the animals are suffering. I would hope that my ex-boyfriend is in a zoo right not living it up (before being eaten by a tiger). It's time for you to do you.

6. Buy some batteries and coconut oil. If I have to explain what you need to do with these things then you're not grown up enough to be reading my blog! Go to the library and read a book.

7. You do not want to be friends with your ex as yet. If you have to unfriend, unfollow, block and delete then that is what you need to do because you are number one.

8. It is really okay to cry. You are not a robot and if in two months you feel like crying do not beat yourself up. Have some Ben and Jerry's ice cream and then jog it off. You are stronger than you know and you will be great in time.



September 13, 2016

7 Signs That Your Relationship is Shit!

So continuing the bitter bitch week here are some rules on how to be smart in relationships. If you have not read Monday's post then you have missed a lot btw! #teaspilling

1. If he only talks to you late at night his intentions are bad. What exactly does this person do for a living that he's only free after 10pm? Is he out dating someone else? Has his mom or girlfriend just gone to bed? Or maybe he's keeping the conversation as short as possible. Whatever his reasons this is shady behavior!

2. You've only met his best friend. A lot of women get suckered into thinking that because they've met one of the most important people in his life that means that he is serious. NO it does not! His best friends already know what's going on in his mind and they will love him anyway. I mean think about it really well. You talk about your shit (literally) with your closest friends but not with coworkers. When he introduces you to his boss we can talk.

3. He still talks to his ex but NEVER when you are around. ''We're just friends." Cool, why won't he invite her over for dinner? Why does he think that you all won't get along? RUN!

4. He never talks about the future, or at least not one that you are in. Baby girl if he can't tell you what he wants to do for Christmas you all are not in a relationship. If he's always avoiding making plans, you're not in a relationship. Men are not planners like women but they also like to make sure that their meals will be covered and that they don't forget important shit for us to lose it on them. #justsaying
5. If the porn he watches is nothing like what you guys do in bed. This one is a bit tricky because pornography is fantasy. However, if all he ever watches is anal but never brought it up to you chances are the communication line is botched. Also if it super freaky things that you will never be into it's time to have a conversation because physical compatibility is extremely important.

6. You guys never spend the weekend together. The only way to know if you and a person are really good together is if you spend lots of time together. Spending the weekend having sex is not spending the weekend either. If you can't chill for a few days while you're on your period your relationship is a relation full of shit. Get out NOW!

This one is for my island gyals because this is 100% percent accurate, especially in small communities.

7. He says that you all do not need labels and that your love should be private. It does not matter how private a person is. If he is not willing to say that he has a girlfriend it's time to leave and do not take your time. This will not work!

I hope this was helpful and stay tuned for more of Bitter Bitch week! Laters.



September 12, 2016

Story Time: No More Nookie! NOT FOR KIDS!!

I wondered how long it would take me to write something extremely personal. I guess tonight is as good as any. Come be fast and mind my business. Oh but this is probably not something for people who are prudish in any way.

So I have heard many different stories about me over the years but here is one that has never been told. It is one of how a selfish ex-whatever did not know how to love me. In the spirit of full disclosure, I should say that I am a crazy person. I enjoy controlling everything and everyone around my ex refused to be the kind of man I am used to. 
There are some men who leave you without an explanation and then there are the guys who want to be all sappy and shit, the sappy ones are the worst! This guy told me that he loved me multiple times during our trip to Spain. He bought me flowers -something that almost never happens in my life- and he made love to me. Now ladies there is a vast difference between making love and having sex. If you're 22 and you're not about that married with children life, I suggest you keep having (protected) sex because the love thing is a mess. ANYWAY back to the story.
Flowers from my ...whatever days before the end.
After all of the love and affection the weekend ended and as we were not living together when we got back to Holland we separated at the train station. He kissed me goodbye and we parted ways and I sat in the train thinking about how much fun I had during the weekend. Then two things happen: I am about to post a picture on Facebook with the caption 'parting is such sweet sorrow' and he sends me a message. As any love sick puppy would, I read his message first and I am shocked by his words. I think by now every woman knows that if the man you're sleeping with says "we should just keep things natural" is code for: I only want to fuck you. While that is fine in normal circumstances it's not fine when you go on trips together during an entire summer, which is what we did. It is definitely not ok when he whispers his love in your ear while making love to you. This was nothing but a hot mess.

In the end I told him that I was not ready for a relationship in that moment but I hoped to eventually move in that direction. When he said that the thought of a relationship made him nervous I did not get upset because let's be honest people be havin' issues, can't be mad at da. What I can be angry about is the deception. I can be pissed about him knowing that I was in love and still choosing to play with my heart. I can be angry about his selfish ways but I am pissed. I am livid because I knew better! I have rules that I completely disregarded for him. I compromised on my beliefs and alienated myself because of him. So this is really the price you pay for being Foolish.



P.S. Y'all really thought I would spill all my tea on the internet? Not I said the duck! When I do decide to share my complete story like 'Why I am Cool With my High School Sweetheart' there will be names and receipts. Laters!!!