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July 30, 2017

I hate the Fruit

Sometimes I talk about issues with poetry. Enjoy this!

The garden was beautiful when there were no snakes. I'm afraid of snakes.

Snakes introduce you to fruit.
We walk to the tree and we look.
Strange fruit indeed and am I to love this?
Give me knowledge?
Show me good and evil?
I only see evil and pain.
The images now etched in my brain.

Food, exercise, so hungry...
I love chocolate, everyone does.
But chocolate is bad, all the carbs you know.
Small waist, small backside no need for more.
Chocolate makes your brain slow
Chocolate leaves nasty stains
And pimples cause pains

Magnolia trees are strong
Magnificent trunks, pop it quick.
Gorgeous white flower why are you here.
Are you ok ma'am? BE STILL BOY!
Pretty flower has fallen in the mud.
Hide flower, lie, hide your shame.
Dirt is nothing, dust in chains.

Curves, cotton hair, thick lips.
Suck, mock, fuck.
Love is light, who loves the night?
What happens in dark but sin?
Legs open, promise nothing, run home at dawn.
Look at the beauty the light and night have created.
Mixing, sin, light and darkness cannot dwell together.

July 24, 2017

Adventures with GP: I Rebuke YOU! pt.2

Jesus be a fence! I am writing this and hoping that I get it right. Pray for me.

After the speaker by the name of John Anosike left we decided that we would have to break our word and not return to the conference. I firmly believe that the greatest sin we can commit is working against our conscience. We sat down with a local pastor who invited us there and explained the situation. Leo Davelaar & G-Project is not just a choir but a group of Christians and we could not serve God in an atmosphere in which we did not think He would be pleased. On the other hand I felt bad for the pastor. I mean where would he find a praise team on such short notice. Lesson: NEVER allow your human emotions to deter you from doing what you think is right spiritually. After an hour of pleading with us our director decided that we should go home, pray and see what the morning brought.

Well revelations come in the morning! On Saturday we found out that the organizer was not the local pastor but rather the charlatan John Anosike. He who had treated us so horribly without any type of apology expected us to return. Now there is a vast difference between service and work. We felt that if we returned it would be work and not a service to God, that hurt me. I never joined the choir for it to be a job. I just enjoy blessing others with the gift God has given to me. So we had a dilemma do we go and work or do we stay home. We decided to work because even in our work people could find TRUTH in the den of lies.

On Saturday afternoon I beat my face, got dressed and paid (public transport) to get there. I was happy to see my other GP sisters there as well though some from the night before refused to return. We sat and waited and as we sat there the pastor who spoke to the night before came and said nothing to us. When our director arrived he was unable to look him in the eye to tell him that our services were longer needed. WE GOT FIRED!!! The painful thing was that this pastor Nosa allowed us to show up, sit and wait only to say go home. This was the most insulting experience I have ever had with G-Project or any group for that matter. However, God is big.

I am sharing this because I want you to know that. We needed to experience this so that we can know what type of world we are living in. There are people hungry for hope. They are searching for something to hold on to and unfortunately there are people who are lying to them. We saw people who were thirsty and they drank but were never told how to get the living water so that they can never thirst again. I googled the charlatan and found that his followers call him Papa. Isn't God our father? I saw a video of him telling people that we can be gods because we are righteous (fast-forward to 5:45 if you don't want to watch every lie). Yet the bible says in Romans 3:10 "There is no one righteous, not even one;" (NIV).

After the entire ordeal we did not know what to do so we prayed. We prayed for the deliverance of those being led astray. We prayed claiming the victory over every evil spirit that tried to harm us. We praised God even before it happened that we will be able to turn what the devil meant for bad to become good. These blogs were not just to bash the crazy people we worked with but to share what God can do.

He kept me calm when it is in my nature to lose my cool. He kept the choir standing when we were insulted. He kept us praying knowing that prayer is what we needed. God provides! He taught us to tell the devil I REBUKE YOU, in the name of Jesus!



July 23, 2017

Adventures with GP: I Rebuke YOU! pt. 1

If you know me then you know that I am a part of a wonderful gospel choir called Leo Davelaar & G-Project. Our mission is to share the gospel (hence the 'G') of Jesus Christ to our world. We work hard on translating popular gospel song to Dutch and Papiamentu to reach a large audience here in the Netherlands. At the end of the blog I will leave a few links to our pages in the event you want to learn more. I guess it is only right to give a disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER De group ain tell me to write dis n dis all my experience so yeah dey ain accountable or waeva else yuh guh say in dese tings. Leh we start.

Last week was rough. I started it off with traveling for 7 hour to and from my nephew's first birthday party. When I got home I had a fever and needed rest. The flu virus and I continued to fight and on Friday morning I did not think I would be able to sing at a conference being held at Ahoy in Rotterdam but I chose to claim the victory of my flu. In faith I went to the conference and praised God for keeping me. As we sang with the people we invited the Holy Spirit to come and move in people's lives and He did. It was a blessing, but then we sat down.

A South African preacher calling himself an apostle began to speak and the member of GP started looking at each other with confused faces. The speaker was saying that we could have eternal life here on earth with no pain and suffering. So I began to question why anyone would live right if there is nothing after the grave. Then he started saying that God is always associated with noise. In 1 Kings 19:11 God tells Elijah that He is going to pass by. A great wind comes followed by and earthquake and fire but God was in not of it. God came in the calm (1 Kings 19:12). It's hard to deceive people who read the word of God.

Slowly but surely we leave to a different room and we are called when the speaker starts to "heal" people. A lady who could not walk for 3 years was able to stand and he said that she had a new liver and kidneys. We began to sing a song that I did not know in mumble and awe I was in no spirit. The speaker became angry and what I am about to say is insane. He stands in front of the church and says that the next time he comes from South Africa he will bring his own musicians because he needs people on an international level and people in the spirit. Our pride said no and my face said "go suck yuh mudda" which he probably saw. The great speaker then turns to my director who is on the keyboard and ask him for an 'F'. The sad thing is he was already in said key and the speaker had no idea. My director must have had enough of the freak show because people were dropping to the floor and at one point and time the speaker wiped his sweat on another man. WAIT LET'S GET INTO THAT.

While worshiping a man came in with a cane and he was clapping and dancing with us so I was confused when the same man came to be healed from deafness. The speaker start killing the cancer in the man's body and then starts blowing in the man's ears until he can hear. He then pushed him to the ground and leaves him there as he gets his rag to wipe the sweat from his brow to transfer it on to the man on the floor. I almost threw up. Back to how Leo leaves us. He quits playing and put on a track so we no longer have to sing. I hear the music and think 'amen, freedom'. WRONG!

The moment Leo leaves is the moment the wanna be apostle comes to the choir with his crazy to come and talk to us because again we are not in the spirit. I kept wondering which spirit because THE HOLY SPIRIT was definitely gone. He made an exit as soon as the apostle of lies got on the stage. As he speaks to us I slowly back away. He notices that we don't care about what he is saying and goes to people who are more open to his crazy. As I stand there with my eyes closed the preacher returns to me and ask me what my name is, where I am from and if I have ever had an experience with Jesus. I answer these question and he then puts one hand on my forehead and another in my hair and begins to push. Now I have no idea why he thought that the girl with her eyes open looking at he choir director for help would fall but I did not. Now you may be wondering why I did not tell him to stop touching me but I did not know how. ALL I could think about is that he was nasty and I should not hit or swear less I give GP a bad name. When he blew on my forehead I thought my life was over. I felt violated in some way and I felt my spirit collapsing but God has not given us a spirit of fear. As he walked away I praised God for the strength I had been given. to remain silent.

As the speaker continued to say things about me not knowing how to act in the presence of a man of God we left and started packing up. He end his sermon but came outside and said these words: "Mister (referring to a young man from GP) I rebuke you! I did not want to rebuke you all on stage but you all were talking while I was preaching and I don't know who hired you all but you need to learn how to act in the presence of a man of God." My choir director came outside as the man as about to leave and tried to address him and the man kept walking away and brushed him off.
There is actually more to this story if you can believe that. So see you at part two when we get FIRED!


IslandGyal and Child of the Most High God

June 25, 2017

Angels vs Demons: We're having twins!!!

In a recent post on interracial relationships I wrote about how I want my kids to be white like their dad.(Please read that to find out why I would say such a crazy thing.) If you were paying attention you would know that I said kids, plural. I am really excited to share this with you. My boyfriend and I are expecting twins and I already have my birthing plan. Read on to find out more.

After 37 difficult weeks the time will finally come to get these parasite-like aliens out of me and I pray that they look more human by that time because for now...

The time has come to finally bring my humans into this world and all I can do is yell at my boyfriend about how everything is going wrong and that I am too young to lose all feeling in my vagina. The rules and regulations of a hospital birth suck and so I decided to have a homebirth so everyone can witness my finest hour. Except labor has been going on for much longer than that and I am already exhausted and I am remind as to why I never wanted babies in the first place.

A family friend who happens to be a doctor came all the way to our townhouse in Rotterdam to deliver our sons. While we are grateful it is very hard to show that when he keeps violating you and calling it checking how far along you are. At a certain point and time I start losing my mind and begging everyone to get "los diablos" out of me while my boyfriend keeps rubbing my belly and calling them "angelitos". While begging for ice to soothe my burning vagina one kid pops out, Edward and while he is beautiful he is more than enough and I ask if we can reconvene tomorrow as I have no energy to continue with this labor. In true mother-in-law M shows up and some how gets baby number two out also known as Carlyle. I chose these strong Twilight names because my boyfriend insisted that the kids carry his last name, though Blake is a much nicer one.
It turns out the burning was a bad thing and that I need stitches down there. As luck would have it my brother-in-law D walks in at the wrong time and gets a view of the damage. He walks over to my bf and tells him that this is the price of fatherhood. As my anger boils my father promptly appears with a machete and punches D in the face.

While my mom is disappointed that we have two sons my father-in-law C is the happiest because we have kids to carry on his family's name. One would think that a man with three sons would be satisfied but men are from Mars.

Then I woke up on April 21st 2017 and told my bae all about what happened.

I told you all that I would write something less loaded and now I have. Also really? I have been complaining about my period all over social media. Where I get children from? You know you love me for this.



June 15, 2017

Storytime: My Highschool Boyfriend

Disclaimer: This is not to bash my ex. This is also my version of things so be mindful of that OK? Good. We're going to call him Leslie for this. Leh we start de show!

I met Leslie on the first day of school and I immediately disliked him. He was everything I hated in people. He seemed to think so highly of himself while it was obvious that he was over compensating. In other words he reminded me of the things that I hated about myself. Some thought it would be hilarious to say that we were together and that bothered me. I have always been a vicious creature and one day in my attempt to make clear to the world exactly how much I disliked him our Spanish teacher probably saw the pain and came to his defense. I called him many names and ended with 'pork chop' the teacher then turned and said "OK sparerib, enough". I was so annoyed! Not just because she gave me a name but that she gave me one matching his. I may have been many things but I was nothing like that swine.

Fast forward to the end of year 2 and I had finally entered puberty. For some people puberty is awful but for me it offered chocolate milk skin and small but perky boobs. I was excited and by the time we got to year 3 I was madly in love. We were together and happy except we were a secret.

Now girls/ladies if at any time a guy is not shouting from the rooftops that he loves you then he does not. If you are always a secret, then run. The reason Leslie kept me a secret is simply because he want to keep his options open and after an interesting event he broke it off with me and 2 weeks later started openly pursuing another girl. I hated him! See girls are sometimes extremely fickle and we tend to dream about a house and kids at 15 when guys are just wondering how far the can go tonight. If you are young and in love do not think that your relationship will stand the test of time. There are few that survive high school.

The problem with this story is that we are just getting started. While he dated that other girl I got prettier, smarter and better at being Urisha. I went to Aruba and came back with relaxed hair, I felt untouchable. I don't remember exactly what happened but I think the girl moved away and after him being a thirsty guy he finally returned to me. While my pride kept me reluctant I had never stopped loving him so I eventually gave in. To be honest I may have made changes just for him to notice me but I was resolved and I did not take any of that secrecy BS. Everyone knew that we were together and it was just how I liked it. We fought all the time because teenage boys are possessive, I equated that behavior with love but it was not. It was actually simple biology and I now know that this is how testosterone works. We would talk for hours and when I did not respond we would argue and he would become upset. However, the sex really helped. Yes I had sex in high school but we're in year six at this part of the story so it is fine. RELAX! (I'm not saying that it did not happen before year 6 because year 5 was interesting but that is another story.)

So when you get to your senior year you start making plans and while I could have studied English anywhere in the world I came to the Netherlands because he would be here. We planned how he would come visit me from Amsterdam and how our lives would be wonderful. I genuinely believe that he believed that we would build lives together but all that changed after graduation. He went to South America for two months and nearing the time that he was supposed to come to the Netherlands he broke up with me. Needless to say, I was gutted. We had been through a lot together and I had changed my life for him. I turned on my parents for him, loved him in spite of the horrid things he'd done and stayed with him when everyone told me to leave. I did not deserve this.

Coupled with homesickness and a broken heart I became extremely depressed and hardly ever ate. I began hating myself and my life but luckily my family pulled me out of a pit that they had no idea I was in. In true Leslie fashion he came back months later after I was with someone else to try to have a purely physical relationship I ran from that and it one of the best decisions I have made to date.

Today I am happy. While it takes me years to completely trust people I am no longer afraid of cutting people off. After years of making the same mistakes I understand that I am worth it and that I deserve someone who will hold my hand in public and randomly kiss my cheek. We all deserve the same things, love, peace and true joy. If your relationship does not bring you those things then please leave and be happy alone. Leslie is probably just fine today and might be even reading this. I know for a fact that he has grown up and suffers less from his fear of commitment. I wish him well in life and I will forever love him for teaching me how to guard my heart.



June 11, 2017

No blog Today

Since G-Project is recording a tv-show that will require me to be away for 12 hours there will be no post today. Feel free to twiddle your thumbs until Thursday.



June 8, 2017

We're too pretty for this!

I am often confronted by my dark skin. Every time I go to the drugstore on the hunt for makeup products I am met with a new version of 66 Shades of Beige. The frustrating part of this is that I know that brands like L'Oréal and Maybelline actually make my shade in most of their foundation lines. Yet store like Kruidvat and Etos disappoint me without fail. In the Netherlands black women have to spend more money on their makeup because regular stores pretend as if we do not exist. Constantly being referred to department store brands is particularly upsetting because most students do not have Black Up, MAC and Lancome money. This raises an important question. Why do black people have to pay more to look and feel beautiful?

I do not want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but there must be a reason that stores do not answer my emails or questions when I inquire about their shade range. Tokos are stores that sell products from foreign countries and they charge for that service as exclusivity is usually synonymous with expensive. Women of color, especially black women pay more simply because they have no choice. If you work in an environment that pressures you to wear makeup you immediately have to pay more than your white counterparts and while this may seem like a small thing consider the fact that the odds are already stacked against young black women. Does an up and coming stewardess who already had to take a maximum student loan need this extra bill? Probably not. If you are wondering why the black girl took the maximum student loan it is because she did not have the chance to live with her parents since she left them back in the Caribbean where she could not go to college because her island only has 4000 people. Still think that the system isn't working against colored women? Read on.

Products for oily skin are hard to find and guess which ethnicity generally has oily skin? You guessed it! All the rich, deeper skintones. There is something to be said about systematic racism and that is a completely different subject but it cannot be a coincidence. One might say that there is no market for drugstore makeup because black girls in the Netherlands only shop at Douglas and ICI Paris XXL (Dutch versions of Ulta/Sephora). The reason for that has nothing to do with our preferences and everything to do with drugstores refusing to carry our shades. Now as a makeup lover I am aware of the problem that my paler friends have because brands also forget about them when making foundations and stores definitely do not order for them. IT SUCKS! However I think it wrong of us to point fingers towards our paper white ladies when an entire race is left out. Any shade of brown is not welcome. That is the message stores like Kruidvat send and I am grateful that online stores like The Makeup Spot and Boozy Shop exist. I just wish they weren't just online so that we could go and swatch before we buy. The makeup industry is rigged against black women and in the Netherlands it is horrible!

Here are the facts. Brands like L'Oréal and Maybelline do not make sure that their entire shade range is available to countries they sell to. I have emailed time and again to no avail. So I am writing a blog now in hopes that someone will listen and that they will care. Brands need to be here for us, every shade or us. Whether you are as pale as NikkieTutorials or as dark as Nikki Perkins we all deserve better. We are too pretty for this shit!



P.S. In case you are wondering what I am wearing on my skin here is a very long list.
  • Brows: NYX Micro Brow in Espresso
  • Eyes: Maybelline Great Lash mascara and L'Oreal kohl liner.
  • Concealers: NYX HD concealer in Nutmeg, LA Girl Pro Conceal in Orange and Fawn
  • Foundation: Black Opal True Color Pore Perfecting liquid foundation in Hazelnut
  • Contour: Sleek Contour palette in Dark
  • Highlighter: MAC Gold Deposit, Gold from Sleek contour palette in Dark
  • Lips: MAC liner Chestnut and Milani Metallic Automatic Touch